Permission Granted

Life is short.  In the last 3 years I have been to more funerals than weddings.  Sadly, we have said goodbye to my husband’s 3 remaining grandparents.  Neighbour’s adult daughter (cancer).  A friend, my age (cancer).  My doctor (my age, cancer).  My best friend from highschool who went from healthy to death in a matter of a few weeks (lupus).  We said goodbye to my father in law the beginning of this year (cancer).  His brother (my hubby’s uncle) only a year earlier.  (cancer).  A step cousin…accident on a jobsite.  Numerous friends miscarried babies. A young student at our school was in a tragic cycling accident.  It’s all terrible.  Tragic.  As I write, my only remaining grandparent (my grandma, Gigi) is in hospital, as her strength wanes and her memory fades.

And it makes me think.  Everyone has a list of things they want to accomplish. What is it that keeps us from doing them?  My friend Amee Gleave (founder of the Get Your Sparkle Back Foundation) asked a question tonight that made me think.  She writes, “Are you waiting for permission to step into your greatness? Has your volume been turned down or even on mute in some areas of your life ??? It’s time to turn it UP !! The world is waiting for your magnificence. All you have to do is claim it.”

Are you waiting for permission to step into your greatness?   This one hit me like a brick.  If you’ve ever had an idea that you thought was awesome, but you weren’t sure if someone else might like it…..if you’ve ever NOT done something because you were afraid it might not be perfect or good enough…..if you’ve ever waited for the “pat on the back” to do something more, just to make sure what you did was good enough….you might be waiting for permission!!   But WHY?!?!  You are an adult.  If you know that you know that you were put here to do something, I beg of you…..DO IT!!  You do not need permission.  The world is WAITING for it!

Has your volume been turned down?  There are areas in my life that I kind of put on hold when I started having babies.  13 yrs later, some things have changed- but some have not, and it’s time for me to turn that volume back up again.  The problem is, when you get used to not hearing it or not doing those things, sometimes it takes an intentional effort to bring those things back.  One of the things I put on hold was music.  It’s been a long time since I have identified myself as a musician- but it is definitely a part of my DNA….and without it, part of me is dead.  It’s time to bring it back.  There are other areas where I’ve stepped back- and it’s not always bad.  But sometimes we get used to it, and it’s easy to stay in the most recent habit of not doing those things.  I challenge you to reflect on your life, and think about those things that you have let slip.  Maybe there was a valid reason.  Maybe it was a dream you had that you have stopped dreaming because of something that did not go right.  Perhaps it was something else.  I don’t know.  All I know is, everyone has things deep within them that they were gifted with.  Some are obvious.  Some are not.  But I challenge you to try new things. And, try “old things.”  Pick up the sports equipment.  Lace up your running shoes.  Sit in front of your piano.  Pick up the the pen and start writing that novel.  Take a leap of faith and start that new venture you’ve been thinking of.  Call the publisher.   Learn a new skill.  Make a meal for that person in need and take it over.  Volunteer.  Go back to school.  And for crying out loud…..pick up the phone and call that friend that you have not spoken to in years.  Email is fine, but there is nothing like a phone call- or better yet, take half an hour and meet them for coffee.  You never know what will happen.

So why are you waiting for permission?   Whose permission do you need?  Maybe, you need permission from yourself.  Stop sabotaging your own success.  You are incredible.  You are enough- in fact, you are MORE than enough.  Go and live out loud.  Instead of silencing that small voice in your head, you need to shout it from the rooftops!  Think about the people you know who are doing the things they are passionate about.  They are unstoppable.  They are magnetic.  And they know that they know that they know that they don’t need to wait for anybody.  What if the thing you are most afraid of is the thing that you are most excellent at doing?  What if your success was guaranteed by doing it- and what if you were too afraid to ever try it?  What’s the worst that could happen??  It might not be perfect- but that’s OK!!  I think Nike had it right.  Just Do It.  Live Out Loud.  Live a life of NO regrets.  Permission: Granted.  I cannot WAIT to see what you accomplish!!

For The Last Time

It caught me off guard.  

Today is the second day of school in our house….kids ages 3, 5, 7, 10, 12, and 16.  We’ve been doing the “school thing” for several years.  We’ve been thru tons of “firsts.”  More than I care to remember.  Yes, I have had many moments of emotion thru the years- the first baby being born, first bottle, first birthday party, first haircut, first day of preschool….we’ve done them all.  Some of them, many times over.

No one prepared me for all of the last times.

Today marked 2 “last times” for me, and it caught me off guard.  The first was something that I did not expect.  We have had the same stroller for 12+ yrs…and let me tell you, it has been well used.  Trashed, in fact…..so trashed that we realized a couple months ago that it was time to let it go.  I assumed it would be simple….drag it to the curb and leave it there, let the garbage man drag it away, and it would be fine- I could watch from inside if I needed to.  Except, there was a minor flaw- we did not get the garbage out before they got here so I raced up the driveway and handed my stroller to the garbage man.  Without blinking an eye he took it, chucked it in the back of the truck and carried on his way, as if it were the most normal thing in the world to toss a stroller.  And I stood there, suddenly feeling lost.  It’s just a stroller, I reasoned, as memories of cuddling crying babies next to my stroller flooded my memory.  It’s just plastic and it’s broken, i reminded myself as snapshots of the past 12 years flashed on a slideshow thru my head of every place we;ve taken that stroller, loaded to the gills with “kid gear.”  It’s no longer safe, I said again, as I remembered tucking my firstborn into it, and the fight we had in the parking lot at walmart the first time we tried to fold it into the car (we never did figure that out that day, and brought it home unfolded).  

But today, there was no time for memories- we had to get to school.  I wiped away my tears and told myself how silly i was being.  I mean, really….the last time I see my stroller?  What’s wrong with me?  Time to get on with reality.   I herded the kids into the van, took the requisite “back to school” pics needed and off we drove.

And then the tears began again…..it was the LAST “first day of school ever” pic that I would take.  My youngest started preschool today.  And although I have known for a while that he would be starting, I have not been even remotely emotional about it.  He’s ready, he’s not clingy, it’s my first taste of daytime “freedom” in 12+ yrs, I’ve not cried before at leaving my kids at school.  It was then that I realized that although I have been prepared mentally for his first day of school, I realized that I have not been prepared for it being my last “first day” experience.  

And so, I enter a new phase of mama hood, one that I have not prepared for.  I am now a stay at home mama, by choice, with all the kids in school.  I am now experiencing “the firsts” with one child, and “the last firsts” and “lasts,” all at the same time with other kids.   I have a feeling there will be lots of blog posts to come.

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Observer or a Participant?

Ever hit that point where life seems stale?  It’s been a rough month or so in my house for personal reasons.  An ongoing injury to my foot has caused me to have to re-evaluate EVERYTHING in my life. Just after I was “benched”  I discovered the “Get Your Sparkle Back” calls, run by an incredible woman whose passion is to help women (and men) everywhere get their “sparkle” back (or swagger). I can honestly say that this is the BEST personal growth training I have ever come across! Tt makes me a better wife, mother, and friend.  

Anyways, one of the weekly assignments from the Sparkle call had me evaluating some things, and I decided it was time to face one of my fears.  *gulp*  Yup.  I am not good at meeting new people or trying new things. Suffice it to say, there’s a ton of things I have always been interested in doing- but was too afraid to do them alone.  However, given the staleness of my life, it was time for change so I decided to start small.  I registered for a networking dinner that was organized by a friend. I knew no one else there.  I walked in, trying to ignore the voice in my head that was saying no one liked me, that no one wanted to hear my story, and that there was no one there who I needed to meet because I had nothing in common with them.  

I could not have been more wrong.

As I sat thru supper, I tried to make conversation with the women at my table.  It was casual, and non-eventful.  And then we got to the part where we could share about ourselves.  As I (negatively, I admit) prepared myself to be “sold” by everyone in the room, I picked out my chair and made sure I wasn’t going first.  And then, my world was changed.  I heard women share about the things that drove them.  Helping battered women.  Raising money for Cancer.  Volunteering to teach Autistic children to ride horses.  Organizing fundraisers for various organizations.  I participated in a discussion which all of a sudden morphed into the whole group of us putting together a fundraiser for one of the causes.  And suddenly, I felt the tears in my eyes.  

I was wrong.

I had everything in common with these amazing women.  

We all looked different.  We all represented different organizations.  We all came from somewhere different.  BUT…. we all came with purpose.  We all wanted to do the best we could at life.  We all came wanting to help make the world a better place, by giving of ourselves, and by sharing what we had to offer with the group.  

After we had all finished sharing, I had planned to just sit back and watch again.  I had registered, after all, to be an observer at this event. 

Again, I was WRONG!  

I was drawn into conversation- in fact, I had several people asking questions of me.  It was impossible to observe…instead, I became a participant by virtue of merely being in the room.  And I realized as I sat there that what I was a part of that night was a metaphor for my life.  In life, we have choices.  Somewhere along the way, without me knowing it, I had decided to be an observer of life.  To merely exist and get thru the day, rather than partake of all the opportunities available. To rely on myself, and not ask things of other people.  I’m not quite sure when it happened, or whether it was a process.  Again, could probably make a therapist quite rich trying to figure it out.  OR, I could make a change.  And so as I sat there, I decided to become a participant. Intentionally. And as I chatted with these women, I began to understand the power of being connected.  I’ve always known it in my head, but it really began to sink in.  I left that night with new coffee dates in my datebook, and a new outlook on life.  I’m not saying that old habits won’t try and pop back in- but I’m going to fight them every step of the way.  I am no longer willing to settle for “existing.”  I can’t wait to see where this journey goes…but I am ready to move forwards as a participant.

 

 

Choosing your Attitude

Every day in life, we are faced with a ton of choices.   Many of them, we take for granted….what do I want to eat for breakfast?  What do I wanna wear?   But something that we often forget….we get to choose our attitudes.  

Yup…. you heard me correctly.  We get to choose our attitude for the day.  I’m the first to admit that some days, I’d rather be grumpy.  I’m currently dealing with an injury to my foot that is not only painful, it’s managed to mystify the docs and specialists.  (but that’s a whole other blog post)  It hurts.  It’s inconvenient.  It affects every step I take (literally!).  It affects every action that I take in the day, short of sitting down.  Every time I go to hug my kids, I have to watch where I put my feet lest they get stomped on by accident.  Every load of laundry that gets schlepped up and down the stairs…every errand that needs to be run…every cry at the end of the hallway that needs investigating.  Everything is affected.  And then there’s the emotional stuff.  It’s spring time- every bone in my body is aching to lace up my running shoes, strap on my fuel belt, and run for a good 15-20 K.  

I stepped out my front door this morning, and felt the tears well up in my eyes.  Why?  I am a runner….and today was one of those days that was perfect for running but I clearly could not go.  And it was at that moment that i realized I had a choice to make today.  I could choose to be miserable, or I could choose to do all that I could.  Today, that meant I did an indoor workout, followed by weights.  And then later this afternoon, I went for a walk to get some fresh air.  That walk was probably one of the hardest workouts I’ve ever done.  Why?  Because every step was hard as I tried to find a way to set down my foot to avoid the pain and still move forward.  I wanted to see what I could do, and needed fresh air.

By the time I got home, I was grumpy sore and in tears.  I was ready to tear a strip off of anything that moved or breathed.  And when the phone rang, I made another choice.  I chose not to answer it.  *gasp*  Yup, I let the machine take it.  Why?   Because I did not need to let my grumpiness infect anyone else.  There is a time for everything….but it was time for me to choose joy, to choose a better attitude, and to keep my lousy one to myself for a bit.

How many times in your day do you allow yourself to be derailed?   There’s a quote from someone famous (whose name i forget) that says Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude.  Well, I’m no pilot, but I’m fairly certain that this applies to everything in life.  Didn’t make the team you wanted?  That’s crappy….but you have a choice.  Be grumpy and miserable (and you probably won’t make the b team next year either)….or, choose to make new friends and become the best player on that team.  Tired of always doing the same thing over and over and over again, expecting different results?  That is the definition of insanity, my friends.  Stop trying to do absolutely everything yourself and try something different.  Hire a maid.  Delegate.  Pay a teenager to do something you hate, so you can be freed up to do the thing you love.  And wait….is that a better attitude I see popping up?  It’s really quite amazing.  Facing something difficult in life?  I can appreciate that.  But try to find something about it that you can be positive about.  For me right now, I cannot do all the things I want to do (running, walking, some of the housework, gardening, hiking).  Instead, I am choosing to use this time to do other things I wouldn’t normally.  I’ve changed up my workout routine (yes, I am still working out- just differently).  Trying some things I have never done before.  I’m teaching my kids how to do some things that I would normally do (laundry, baking cookies, etc).  I can still perch on a stool, and supervise, help, and spend time with them.  Weeding the garden….well, can’t do the one I wanted to- but the one by the driveway that is raised is the perfect height for me to work in.  And I might not be baking any really impressive desserts in the near future- but my meals can be planned while I sit in my chair and they will be yummy (and the grocery lists put together so someone else can shop for me, even if I shop online).  And, in a strange twist of irony…..I would not have started this blog without being forced to spend some more time sitting down.  Attitude is a choice.  Choose wisely.  

Quiet Time

After many weeks of waiting, here we are in the midst of Spring Break.  Yes, I am one of the strange ones.  I look forward to having all my kids home from school.  As a mama of 6 (5 that I gave birth to, and an ESL daughter with us for 3 yrs), I truly love being able to spend time with them.  But today, somehow, it didn’t go according to the plan.

I don’t know if it was the fact that they were all playing, and I was 2 hours into cleaning a bedroom (not my own).  Perhaps it was that the volume of noise increased so loudly that I could not hear the radio over top of the din, and certainly could not hear myself think.  Maybe it was the fact that Mr. M was crying louder and louder, as his sisters “cheered him up” by whacking him with pillows.  It’s possible that I am overtired, given that we’re coming off a few sleepless nights….oh, and the injured foot I am dealing with was throbbing .  Regardless…..when I stepped around the corner to see game pieces being thrown around at each other, I realized that I was losing patience fast.  And so I did the unthinkable:  I decreed “Quiet time,” for the first time in several years.  I made them put the game away, and then sent each child to their own room.  It was not a punishment for them, but rather, a need to take care of myself before everything fell apart.  After a quick read thru “one fish two fish” with the boys to settle them down, I lit some candles, grabbed my refreshment of choice, and sat down and heard the clock ticking….and I smiled.  I love my kids.  I love the craziness of my house, the “stay one step ahead of the wave of chaos,” the loving, the endless laundry, always running out of cookies, the “look, mama, look what I can do” and the never ending opportunities to influence them and help them achieve greatness.  But for these remaining ten minutes, I will sit bathed in the silence in my home.  I will savour it as I recharge my batteries, so I can continue to be the best mama that I can be under the circumstances given to me.